Worried, frustrated, proud, terrified, confused, upset, amused, rejected, amazed, stymied, and powerless. Yep, you are the parent of a teenage girl!

Well, I thought it would be both interesting and encouraging to give you the chance to read the experiences of other parents who have either been there before you or are in the middle of it right now.  From the challenging to the amusing, the tragic to the farcical, I suspect there will be many experiences you will relate to. 

If you would like to contribute something of your own experience you can submit it
simply by clicking here. 

Following are the wise words or simply the anecdotes of those who know how unique it is to be the parent of a teenage girl.

Judy 47 SA - mother of 2 girls (16 and 20)

Ellen 52 WA – single mum with a 15 year old daughter

Just had worst 2 weeks with feeling sick to stomach, sad, scared and disappointed with my daughters attitude. She didn't get what she wanted so I copped it, You don't listen to me, you don't care about me, I want to kill myself and you don't care that I want to kill myself, her friends Mother is nice all the time why can't you be like her and when she did talk to me it was not nice. I continued to give her a hug & kiss in the morning and evening and I even got a "what's with all the hugs?" and I let her know that even though she hated me I still loved her. I have had to give in to what she wanted because I couldn't take it any longer. I have since sat down with her and let her know while she wasn't feeling too crash hot nor was I and as there is no manual for parenting I am doing my best and only want to keep her safe and protected. The other thing I find very hard is talking to my daughter about sex, drugs, alcohol, etc because she already knows everything and I couldn't possibly add anything new to the subject. I just wish my friends had daughters like mine so I could talk to them about it, fortunately for them their daughters will sit down with their mothers and actually listen to what they have to say so I find they can't really relate to what I am going thru. I will always let my daughter know that I will always be there for her and I just hope she grows up to be a beautiful human being and realises I did actually know some things and perhaps she could have spared some time to listen what I had to pass on.

Prof Fiona Wood 48 WA - burns expert, Australian of the Year (2005) & mother of 6 - 2 teenage girls

I have always been aware of the responsibility of being a parent. I have that privilege six times over. Being a mother to six individuals is challenging, exciting and a constant learning experience.  When asked what is easier, being a mother or a surgeon, I answer I had surgical training!  Having said that, I had a great role model; my mother who instilled in me the value of work, and loved me unconditionally.  Of my children, two are teenage girls, as I reflect it is a privilege to be their mother. I hope they grow to believe in themselves the way I believe in them.

Jacqueline 52 Vic - part time admin officer

I have 2 daughters 11 & 14 and am a "part time" single parent as my husband is working overseas for most of this year. This last year has been a turbulent one in regards to my relationship with my 14 girl. I love her but feel ashamed to admit that often I don't like her. Her mood swings,her disrespect for the household,her laziness,her obsession with "looking the part" and "Mum - you've told me that before" attitude really wears me down! Doesn't paint a pretty picture does it? I'm trying hard to be more "funny" (apparently I'm not) but I am not in the market to be my daughter's best friend - she wouldn't want it anyway. Interestingly her friends' mothers always seem so much nicer than me! I'm aware that my standards are different to hers and that is why I probably feel uncomfortable with what she wears sometimes - she has great relationships with both boys and girls and is very affectionate with her friends - and I do still get cuddles! I think todays parents have many more tools (such as this forum) to assist them - but the downside in todays world, I believe is the constant bombardment from the media of perfection in skin,clothes.things etc etc and sexy images that our daughters & sons are exposed to. I want our girls to be good,caring people (and they are outside the home at least!) and make a postive impact on their world. I'll keep plugging away and hopefully I learn to be a better person too! Thanks for this opportunity.

Noni 43 WA - police officer & mother of a 14 year old daughter
For me the hardest thing is accepting my daughter is now more influenced by other people than she is by me. At 14 she is more like an adult than a child, and seems to always want to be somewhere else, rather than with me. Respect for me, as an adult and her mother, seems to have vanished; however respect for other adults and authority (such as teachers) is still there, thankfully. Any other adult who has anything to do with my daughter sings her praises and talks of how wonderful she is. Whilst this is comforting to hear, it makes me question my relationship with my daughter. Why doesn't she show ME respect, why doesn't she listen to me anymore? I guess I need to stand back a bit and give her the space she needs to be herself, she's not the same as me. As long as she knows I am there if she does need me, I am hoping the common sense and foundation of what is right & wrong, will help her make the best decisions in her teenage years.

Kate 43 Vic - mum of a 2 girls, 10 and 13

My daughter is still mostly a pleasure to be around, but she has her moments. Mostly they involve her younger sister, who she can be such a b***** towards, that I cannot believe those words come out of her mouth. At other times, they are the best of friends. This is the biggest change that I have noticed on her becoming a teenager - how changeable and moody she is. She has a tremendous amount of trouble also now that she is menstruating, with severe cramps and heavy bleeding, nausea, vomiting, etc etc. Helping her through this is challenging, when she asks "will it be like this every time". We have since the first time, discovered Naprogesic which helped a lot.

Jenelle 31 QLD - office administrator and mother of a 13 year old daughter

My daughter started high school this year and I can honestly say, the trouble started pretty much then. She has been in trouble twice with separate calls from 2 different teachers to me within only a few months regarding her behaviour in class. She is being picked on by a girl a year above about her freckles and her looks, which has also drawn attention to her from other kids as well. She has also befriended a girl she went to school with in primary school that is a very outgoing and loud mouthed impolite kid who i feel is influencing my daughter quite a bit. I have tried to talk to this mother but she wants nothing to do with me. I have had to talk to the school councillor about my daughters behaviour and it seems that she generally makes poor choices and is easily led and distracted. This is all new to me as she was always so well behaved and got great marks in primary school and i never had to worry about her. It makes me feel that she is struggling to fi nd her feet in high school and is therefore choosing to go the wrong way. Now, I am pulling my hair out and don't know where to go from here. I have always guided her to be a strong and independent person with her own self worth and self esteem. Now i feel that all i have tried to teach her in life is pretty much out the window. I find myself getting really angry with her really easily and feel a sense of great dislike for her alot of the time. I find her selfishness and attitude really hard to deal with and she tells me nothing. It almost feels that she is growing further and further away from me. It's strange because I am alot younger then alot of other mums with daughters her age, yet I feel that I am probably coping with this stage of her life harder then most. 

Sarah 41 NSW - information technology consultant & mother of 2 daughters (15yrs & 5yrs)
Each morning I walk the hound, 'Boof, at a fabulous bush reserve and have become friendly with 'the usual suspects'. Having met these passionate, colourful, older and diverse individuals, it's their combined experiences that have helped me to understand 'the teenage kingdom'. We all confess regularly to having unconditional love for our dogs, yet, why is it that this group can make me laugh when comparisons are drawn to raising 'teenage daughters'? I have one, they don't. They've survived the journey of discovery and I haven't - well not yet anyway! Maybe this is why they're laughing and retired and I've got the big black bags under the eyes? It was on one perfect morning when the sun was out and the sky blue, with very little wind and a divine smell of sea spray, that I simply blew up! Poor Annette, she was physically the closest one to me at the time and coped the lot. I broke down and told her about the door slamming, the swearing, the mood swings, the laziness, the lack of respect and response, the dismissals and rejected affection. Annette shared with me a sparkler that I'll never forget. Her only regret in raising her teenagers through these years, she has three of them, was her belief that she took things way too personally. Especially with her daughters, it was mainly a reaction or 'the shock factor' that they were looking for, not the sleepless night or the wound you'd feel in your heart two days later. Holding your ground on 'the important battles' like self respect and safety meant that you could free yourself from a lot of the trivial stuff and allow it to simply wash over you. All very good on reflection, yet,my pain and anger was real. To this day when I can feel an 'Annette moment' coming on, I do bight my lip and count to ten and sometimes even grab the dog and head out of there. Painful things can be said in a 'rash response' and these teenage daughters may never forget it. My husband is not a believer in verbal slinging matches and, at times, has suggested that a more constructive approach might be to choose a better place and time to 'get it out and mutually agree'. I'm a shocker and often find myself being the first to raise their voice or get angry. I need time to think things through and teenagers always put you on the spot, their time is their time and your time is theirs too. In many ways my daughter is a very mature teenager, she delights me in everyway. I know the kind of mother/daughter relationship I'd like to have with her and I just need to be patient. Small steps. It's tough growing up with limited funds and freedom, braces, pimples, puppy fat and unknown expectations of yourself when all you see on TV is 'reality shows' and in magazines 'the perfect hollywood smile' . A 'Paris Hilton' lifestyle of partying and buying clothes is not one for me - yet if it seems attractive to my daughter - she'd better get studying hard to secure that job to make it affordable! I think she is a much smarter woman than that! Wish me good luck, four years and counting!

John 72 VIC - retired publisher & father of 4 grown-up daughters

It's hard to know where to start because the most regular comment I hear about the time (25 to 30 years ago) when I had four teenage daughters went as follows, 'but you were never there!' No matter what we are discussing today(and I should hasten to add that we now do a lot of discussing) it always seems to include the harsh, cold and debilitating fact that I was never around when needed during all that awkward, lively, growing up time. I wasn't there to take them to sports matches or concerts or even be at the school speech night or be around when the dog was ill. I certainly wasn't around to listen and to talk. And remember there were four of them. Each was very different but all were constrained by the all too usual bugs - place in the family, parents' disputations, too much talk about the external world and its problems but not enough of their personal worlds - and worse still all had to suffer being dragged into many houses in many countries just at a time when they needed to feel secure and of singular importance. Why wasn't I there? There was this thing called work that tended to occupy living space to the exclusion of almost everything else. So it was hardly surprising that all chose to move out of home quite early and over the years since we have been making up in a disorganised way for my failure to connect and to understand during those years of mutual uncertainty, cover up and fear. That's not to say that there weren't good times but on reflection those times were far too infrequent and irregular. We just didn't do things together and perhaps more importantly talk in any meaningful way about the world of feeling.

Mary 40 NSW - works full time and mother of 2 kids - one of them a 13 year old daughter

My boss (who is more like a substitute mum) sent me the link for this site and I have found it great. I have a son that has lived with his father since he was 10, so there is only me and my daughter living together. My daughter has just now turned 13. I have ALWAYS been honest and totally up front with her, even from an early age. We talk about EVERYTHING and I have always encouraged her to ask me questions, and also adding that I may not know the answer, but together we can find out. We had a rough trot at the beginning of the year with the starting of high school - I thought "here we go", but it only lasted 6 weeks. I am so very proud of my "girl" and I often say that if you could have them like her, you would have 10 children. Over the last 18 months, things have been really tough to the point of my being put on medications to deal with depression and stress. It has been very up and down . . . My daughter has been the most fantastic support in a way that she doesn't quite understand at this point. Just doing simple things like "cooking" a delicious "dinner" of hash browns and greek salad. I know that there is still a long road a head for her with self-esteem, boys, body image, etc, but I know that we will get there just because of our openess with each other. I just hope beyond hope that we maintain the fantastic relationship that we already have. She is my little star!

Margaret 69 NSW - retired drug & alcohol counsellor & mother of 2 grown-up girls
It is 20 years since I had teenage children in my life. The memory of the three boys is dominated by dirtys sports clothes and masses of cooking to satisfy their hunger. Being there when girlfriends came and went, but so little trauma. I recall great companionship. For the two teenage girls the memories are vivid. Many happy ones, but many battles too when moods were swinging and boundaries broken. The clothes at the time were not the "labels", but rather the purchase of many weird outfits from the op shop that tested your standards and having to let go. Many wonderful sharing moments and much love shown, but also the times you were told "you do not understand!"...and sometimes they were right, you didn't understand. The hardest part for me was their rapid development socially. Was it the right place for them to be? Fear of drink and drugs. Was the person driving them home a responsible driver? The struggle with sex. At the time they seemed too young and then to encourage the pill with the hope it did not encourage it being used! My eldest daughter seemed to pave the way, as she was older than any of my friends children. At times I felt a little lost as to whether my mothering was OK. It is interesting to look back and see how I didn't trust my girls to choose good boyfriends, but I did trust my boys to be good boyfriends to their girls!

Belinda 41 VIC - executive officer and mum to 2 girls, 11 and 13

My beautiful easygoing caring girl has turned in 6 months into a turbulent, stroppy teenager who leaves us at times with our jaws on the floor with her reasoning for why she doesnt need to contribute to the household, why she needs to purchase the latest Coutnry road bag and why we are the most selfish unreasonable parents she has come across. It is quite amusing to watch my 11 year old daughter goggle-eyed at some of the things that come out of my older daughters mouth! When I get particularly down, I go and listen in to conversations she is having with her friends as I can see the beautiful, caring funny friend she is to them and tell myself that that is the real her that will reemerge as the predominant feature of our realtionship with her, rather than the battles and verbal abuse. As she is really only a normal teenager and is still doing well at school and polite to other people, I am very lucky really. I take my hat off to parents whose teenagers are v ery troubled as a normal one is hard enough. All parents should pat themselves on the back.

Lucy 47 London - part-time PR agent & mother of 1 teenage girl
Honesty is what I believe has been the key to having such a successful relationship with my daughter through her teens. Jess is soon to turn 17 and we are great mates, we seem to be able to talk about anything and yet there is still a clear delineation of who is mother and who is daughter. Saying that, I have been known to cry on her shoulder every so often. I don’t think it is easy knowing when to let one’s daughter have certain freedoms like staying out late; going to places that aren’t entirely legal (pubs and clubs); dressing as they want to dress (which often doesn’t match our idea of what is decent); having a very serious boyfriend and discussing what is appropriate in terms of a physical relationship (nothing beyond a kiss would be preferable!) but there are questions like when might be the right age to talk about condoms without condoning a sexual relationship, when is the right age for the pill and then the thought that perhaps one nice boyfriend is better than them meeting lots of different boys who may prove to be more of a risk (whatever that means). Respect for yourself, your body and your relationships seems to be the most important message for a teenager for many of these issues.

My honesty in talking with Jess can sometimes show up my own confusion and uncertainty about what is the right thing to do. This seems to convey a sense of caring and that I am not perfect and hence Jess seems to be able to respond with a reasoned discussion rather than an angry argument. I also find it helps to talk to other parents and see how they handle the situations that confront us at the various stages of teenagehood. Checking in with the parents of the friends that Jess is socialising with is important – it is a way of seeing that stories match (and let’s face it teenagers are rarely 100% honest) but also sharing each other’s concerns and delights in how our teens are faring. Having a teenage daughter is wonderful - the discussions you can share as she embraces the world, the cuddles she still needs, the advice she seeks from you, the love you have for each other before she reaches a stage in her life when her love and time are more focused on the adult relationship in her life.

Vic 70 NSW - retired business executive & father of 2 grown-up girls
Blessed is he who has a teenage daughter. However, such blessings are not bestowed lightly. As complexities, frustrations and occasional tantrums attest, teenage years are enormously challenging for daughter and parent. The struggle for independence and individuality within the confines of parental values and sibling relationships; the simple need to have a fair share of a parental ear; the daughter's perceptions , however valid, of parental expectations and hopes for their daughter...all these factors, together with the unique female physiology, combine to create massive changes during teenage years. Add to this pressures of school life, maybe "nasty" girlfriends, "will anybody be interested in me?", "why don't my parents leave me alone?", and it's a minor miracle that so many teenage daughters become admirable adults, partners and mothers. As a male I have a real admiration for female strength - physical, emotional and moral. It is the female who sets the standards in a heterosexual relationship. These are some of the elements contributing to the "minor miracle". But above all, love of and from family and respect for others and oneself are the foundations which triumph over the turbulence of the teenage years.

Judith 72 - one-time nurse & mum to 4 girls now all over 40 years old

Their teenage years were, I feel, rather confusing for them. I was a young mother, still developing as an individual and I had more than a few feelings of inadequacy. What line should I take? Should I rejoice in being feminine? So I was perhaps all too ready to say 'be independent', 'don't be caught into role playing' and 'be yourself before you commit to a relationship'. Sexual freedom was a scary thought to me. Above all I wanted the four to feel comfortable with males and not to resent them as I now believe I did. The power of the patriarchy still bothers me and many of the aspects of the nuclear family don't help. Support, love and communication are important for us all but never more so than during all the expected and unexpected changes that occur between being a child and an adult. Picket fences enclose and confine even more than boarding schools! Just remember that females are far more complex than males and correspondingly more interesting. I'm very grateful that I had four daughters so you'll just have to accept my bias.